Post by arrysfleas on Jul 21, 2016 6:16:31 GMT
You know nothing Jon Snow.
“as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns – the ones we don't know we don't know. “ Donald Rumsfeld, 2002.
You know nothing Jon Snow!
One of our favourite characters is utterly ignorant. His sweetheart told him that repeatedly, even after she was dead.
Give him a break Ygritte! At least he is making an effort, he is learning about his oath, learning about women, learning about his job, his enemies, his allies, how to live, how to die.
Actually, I can sympathise with Jon Snow. I know nothing.
Who is Arya? She has so many names … Underfoot, Horseface, Arry, Lumpyface, Weasel, Nan, Salty, Cat of the Canals, Beth, Mercy. Eventually she settles on something easier to remember: No one.
What kind of a name is this?
Knock-knock! Who's there? No one...who? No one knows.
In the beginning at least her chapters were titled Arya. Safe. Even I can follow that. Later on the author teased me and changed her chapter names. I can't even find her in the books now.
You know nothing Arya.
Who are the Others? The white walkers? Why are the wights so angry? Who is supposed to feed them? Who are the inhumans? The undead? The neverborn? Where are the ice spiders?
We only see two glimpses of white walkers: one from a freaked out brother perched high in a tree, lost in the pine needles, at dusk, in a forest known to be dark even in day time and one from an exhausted, delirious, scared shitless brother who kept his eyes closed the whole time.
Don't worry Jon Snow, we are with you, we know zilch.
By the way Jon, who are your parents? Us, ignoramus, did not even notice that you might have some parents worth knowing.
Luckily, an army of fantasy fans in white cloaks came to the rescue and told us: 'no worries, the answer is R+L=J, it is known'. So now I am back in year 1 doing algebra?
At least, I finally know something. Cool!
Ah, but beware of white cloaks, there are oaths and oaths. I heard it from Jamie. He knows. He is reliable since he has turned the corner.
Indeed, and the secessionists did not take long to point this out. 'It is not RLJ, it is A+L=J'. Fine, don't mind me, I will just add this to my confusion list.
No time to ponder, a she-wolf comes along to confirm that it is after all RLJ. But not RLJ as we know it, RLJ with a twist. In fact it is R'+ L = J. That's a relief, I was just getting used to the previous equation.
Sorry, there is no respite to this conundrum, my trusted friends tell me: 'forget it, they know nothing, it is actually X+Y = J'!!!
How can that be? at school I was told that you needed XX + XY to make a J! They must be kissed by fire.
You know nothing Arry.
Old Nan tells me there was a Long Night, and the white things caused it and created untold miseries. At least that seems pretty obvious; all agree.
You bet! Some astronomologist comes along and tells us it was all to do with a bloody emperor jumping on a comet and chopping up the moon with his flaming sword.
Can he really do that? Break the laws of physics? I am totally confused. 'Rest easy my friend' says he, 'it is just magic, it is allowed'.
You know nothing Old Nan.
There is a truly reliable character in the story if you want to know what is going on. She has knowledge from the knowledgeable themselves. She has visions...in the flames. Now what could be more reliable than that? At last, some guidance. At last, we won't have to wait till we get our third (grand) child to know what happens in the next book. She knows the future.
Nope. She don't. She is very myopic. As a matter of fact, she is hopeless.
She can't even tell the difference between a grey girl on a horse and another grey girl on a horse. Doh!
Worse, she can't even see her prince-that-was-promised, all she can see is snow.. and then she thinks that's you, Jon Snow.
Well, at least that is one thing we know, for once. It was snow, mountains of it, falling on the prince's army, no wonder she could not see him. No one can see in a blizzard.
You know nothing Mel.
The venerated Starks keep telling us 'winter is coming'. Ah, I can understand that, even though I don't live in Alaska. I know winter. I will have to get a long sleeve ready.
Is it coming? Are you sure?
No, after all it is not coming. Why?
Didn't you know?
It fell!
You know nothing Ned.
Bran is the sweet summer child. He is the lovable kid who want to become a gallant knight like Symeon Star-Eyes and see the world. He is even more lovable when the bad queen has him defenestrated by her now not so bad blover.
If you believe that syrup, you have not been paying attention.
Bran not only eats frogs but repeatedly skinchanges his best mate, he is an abomination! He can now be relegated to the ranks of Euron, the lovable ironborn.
You know nothing, sweet fantasy reader.
Dany is the mother of dragons. I know. I saw it on telly. Big, mean, terrific dragons. That is definite. Canon of canon.
I was on my 13th re-read when I noticed that she actually wanted to grow olive trees.
What? She wants to be an olive farmer? Who can you believe?
D&D missed that completely, and it would have been cheaper to film.They could have afforded the wolves.
You know nothing D&D.
Lemon trees don't grow in Braavos, the fandom tells me. How would they know? I bet you not one bothered to go and check it out. If blue winter roses can grow in a god-forsaken hole like Winterfell, even pineapples will grow in Braavos. Just ask Garth the Green for a blessing.
Balerion the Black Dread is history. Arya saw his skull in the Red Keep. It is in written in the holy texts.
Nope, not really; he was reincarnated into Balerion the Black Cat. I know, princess Rhaenys told me, just before she was..never mind, you don't need to that bit. She is a Targaryen, she must know.
You know nothing fandom
Where have half the characters gone? We don't know. Truncated from the author's file?
Some good Samaritans have been trying to find out by having the names of the MIAs listed on the back of a milk carton. To no avail. Perhaps they should try a million cartons.
You know nothing do-gooders.
Where do whores go? Even Tyrion does not know. Of all people! Tyrion! WTF!?!
So I thought I would help him out and went to ask Littlefinger. He must know. He used to care for them.
Nope, he is no longer interested, he has got a new girl to care for.
You know nothing Tyrion.
The Starks are dead and buried in their crypts. Are they? Apparently not. They talk to Bran, Rickon, pester Theon, harass Jon. Have noisy feasts in the hall.
We can no longer tell who is dead and who is not. That is infuriating. We put a little cross against someone's name in the book appendices and … surprise!
Not dead, just nearly dead, zombies with a modicum of red blood cells still kicking deep inside their bones, a resurrected Beric here and Catelyn there, an fAegon in Essos, even a Bloodraven sipping weirwood wine in a cave north of the wall.
No one can work out if Victarion is alive or dead-alive, something to do with grammar apparently.
We have even lost our grammar! We are doomed. We know nothing.
Horns are great. In our story horns are there to wake the sleepers. Loud but sensible, it will do the job. The author says so himself. Who would argue? Don't be fooled.
A bird on a weird perch told me that it is not so. To wake the sleepers you need a wolf. A mute wolf! Go figure!
You know nothing George!
The next book is due in spring, I read it in the author's, ever so considerate, not-blog. Now that has to be the canon of truth, the in vino veritas of the asoiaf weirnet. Right? Even the miasma cannot stop that!
Nope.. it was a false spring.
You may know nothing Jon Snow, but at least we are with you all the way.