A Candid Interview w/ a Man Claiming 2 be George R.R. Martin
Jan 3, 2017 10:49:08 GMT
Mojo likes this
Post by silentmajority on Jan 3, 2017 10:49:08 GMT
This is from a post from September 14th 2010 that was fun to work on.
A Candid Interview with a Man Claiming to be George RR Martin
Scorpiknox: What happened to you while you were down at Aussie Con? You look like a new man!
George Martin: Oh thanks, I’m glad you asked. Well, as you might be aware, I have been under tremendous stress for the last several years. It had gotten to the point where no amount of time off was helping me to feel at ease. What happened was a few weeks ago I borrowed Ty’s Crocodile Dundee boxed set in preparation for World Con. While I was watching Croc I, it struck me that a genuine Aussie-Style walkabout might do me some good, help turn off my brain, so to speak. As a result, after World Con, I spent a week in Australian outback with an indigenous guide.
SK: So, you lost all that weight just by walking in the outback for a week?
GM: No, no, no. I picked up a tapeworm at some point. The pounds came right off.
SK: Let’s move on to the question that everyone’s been asking: What’s up with Ty and those dragon shirts? Is that some sort of uniform, and if so where’s yours?
GM: Who’s been asking that? I think those shirts are pretty darn neat. Chicks dig dragons, right? In fact, now that I can find some in my size, I’ll probably get a few myself.
SK: While we’re on the subject of Ty, what exactly does he do for you anyways?
GM: Oh my, where do I begin? Well for starters, he keeps the whole house in Santa Fe clean for Parris and I. Both of us are terrible at housekeeping, truth be told. He also feeds our pet llama Bahama whenever we are away.
SK: You have a llama named Bahama?
GM: Yeah, Bahama the llama. It’s a play on words.
SK: It is.
GM: Let’s see, what else does he do? Well obviously he does administrative work for me.
SK: Administrative work?
GM: Things like installing five separate anti-virus programs on my Windows machine so I don’t get any more blasted viruses; making sure my AOL account is ship-shape, cutting edge, and up to date; and screening my Not a Blog for the usual Internet rabble-rousers. Ty really does a lot. He’s very dedicated. I wish I could afford to pay him.
SK: Speaking of dedicated, I have to ask you, does Werthead [Adam Whitehead] work for you? He is all over the Internet defending you. Seems like a full time job.
GM: (Chuckling) Adam knows more about A Song of Ice and Fire than I do. I met Adam back when I was doing Doorways. He was a PA at the production studio that funded the project and he used to get my coffee during writing sessions. If anyone out there can attest to my genius, it’s Adam. But to answer your question: yes, but I pay him in trade, mostly first editions and miniatures.
SK: Obviously you’re on record against your detractors, calling them out for their often vicious criticism of you. But what about the constant bootlicking of your more dedicated fan base? Do you ever find it off-putting?
GM: On the contrary. In fact, I never grow tired of it. Those good people have their heads on straight and have helped me keep mine facing forward during my darker days. They know writing takes time, that it is a process that cannot be rushed. I am a gardener, you see. Just as my close friend Shawn Speakman has explained before, my books grow naturally, out of the soil of relaxation, fertilized with heavy doses of vacation time. Without the support and understanding of my loyal NaB followers, I’d have probably already published Dance a few years ago. They’ve reassured me that I am right to take my time and write only when I feel inspired. At home. When there’s no football. Between the hours of noon and six. Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday.
SK: You seem like a really busy man with the HBO show, miniature sales, editing all those novels, and attending numerous conventions around the globe, how do you find time for rest and relaxation?
GM: You know, it has been really tough. I had to miss the New York Comicon this year, which I was loathe to do. I gave up going this year for my fans. I do that quite a bit, give up opportunities for R&R for my fans. But you have to have priorities. Priorities are the key to being a successful, professional, well respected writer. It’s like I tell Ty when a snarky NaB comment gets through: you’ve got to be diligent, don’t stop until all that needs doing gets done. I absolutely believe in that philosophy and that is how I live my life, each and every day.
SK: Are you worried about the HBO series catching up to you, and if so, do you have a plan when it does?
GM: Not at all. I’ve moved a lot of stuff out of Dance and as of now I am close to half done with Winds of Winter. Once I finish A Dance with Dragons, I should wrap up Winds within six or seven months. But we shouldn’t speak of such things! (Laughs) You’ll jinx the series. I’d hate to see it get cancelled before its time. We all remember Rome and Deadwood.
SK: You stated in a post in the past that you were finished with all the Jon POV’s, but yet you’re still talking about “shoveling more snow” Can you shed a little light on this contradiction for us?
GM: To be honest, I don’t really know anymore. It gets so hard to keep track of all of my blog posts. If I had to guess, I’d say I was rewriting a Jon Snow chapter for perhaps the fourteenth or fifteenth time. Or it could be that I made it all up to keep everyone’s hopes alive so they keep to buying what I’m selling. You might ask Adam or Elio or my good friend Shawn, I’m sure they’d give you a more definite answer.
SK: Can you finally explain the Meereenese Knot, and maybe why it’s taking so long to complete?
GM: Have you got a while?
SK: I do. I have all day in fact.
GM: OK. Here goes: I am trying to get Dany over to Westeros with the dragons fully grown and Dany herself ready to wage war.
SK: That’s it?
GM: Well, yeah. But it’s hard. Dany is not ready to rule, and the dragons aren’t grown up yet. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make all this happen in a fantasy setting where everything is completely arbitrary and I have already established a precedent for using magic as a plot device. I just can’t. Between you and me, I am starting to second guess my decision to omit the 5 year gap. Maybe I should scrap it and start the whole thing over again…
SK: Speaking of that, how do you feel about the fact that your abandonment of a 5 year gap in your story has created a real life 5 year gap in between publishing dates?
GM: I really don’t see the connection there, but I guess I feel OK about it. As long as the book is the best book that it can be, my real fans assure me that they’ll wait as long as necessary.
SK: OK, last and most important question. When will A Dance with Dragons be finished?
GM: Summer 2008. Oh wait. I mean, well…what month is it now?
SK: It is September. And it’s 2010, for the record.
GM: September? It’s September?! Where in the seven bloody hells did August go?
A Candid Interview with a Man Claiming to be George RR Martin
Scorpiknox: What happened to you while you were down at Aussie Con? You look like a new man!
George Martin: Oh thanks, I’m glad you asked. Well, as you might be aware, I have been under tremendous stress for the last several years. It had gotten to the point where no amount of time off was helping me to feel at ease. What happened was a few weeks ago I borrowed Ty’s Crocodile Dundee boxed set in preparation for World Con. While I was watching Croc I, it struck me that a genuine Aussie-Style walkabout might do me some good, help turn off my brain, so to speak. As a result, after World Con, I spent a week in Australian outback with an indigenous guide.
SK: So, you lost all that weight just by walking in the outback for a week?
GM: No, no, no. I picked up a tapeworm at some point. The pounds came right off.
SK: Let’s move on to the question that everyone’s been asking: What’s up with Ty and those dragon shirts? Is that some sort of uniform, and if so where’s yours?
GM: Who’s been asking that? I think those shirts are pretty darn neat. Chicks dig dragons, right? In fact, now that I can find some in my size, I’ll probably get a few myself.
SK: While we’re on the subject of Ty, what exactly does he do for you anyways?
GM: Oh my, where do I begin? Well for starters, he keeps the whole house in Santa Fe clean for Parris and I. Both of us are terrible at housekeeping, truth be told. He also feeds our pet llama Bahama whenever we are away.
SK: You have a llama named Bahama?
GM: Yeah, Bahama the llama. It’s a play on words.
SK: It is.
GM: Let’s see, what else does he do? Well obviously he does administrative work for me.
SK: Administrative work?
GM: Things like installing five separate anti-virus programs on my Windows machine so I don’t get any more blasted viruses; making sure my AOL account is ship-shape, cutting edge, and up to date; and screening my Not a Blog for the usual Internet rabble-rousers. Ty really does a lot. He’s very dedicated. I wish I could afford to pay him.
SK: Speaking of dedicated, I have to ask you, does Werthead [Adam Whitehead] work for you? He is all over the Internet defending you. Seems like a full time job.
GM: (Chuckling) Adam knows more about A Song of Ice and Fire than I do. I met Adam back when I was doing Doorways. He was a PA at the production studio that funded the project and he used to get my coffee during writing sessions. If anyone out there can attest to my genius, it’s Adam. But to answer your question: yes, but I pay him in trade, mostly first editions and miniatures.
SK: Obviously you’re on record against your detractors, calling them out for their often vicious criticism of you. But what about the constant bootlicking of your more dedicated fan base? Do you ever find it off-putting?
GM: On the contrary. In fact, I never grow tired of it. Those good people have their heads on straight and have helped me keep mine facing forward during my darker days. They know writing takes time, that it is a process that cannot be rushed. I am a gardener, you see. Just as my close friend Shawn Speakman has explained before, my books grow naturally, out of the soil of relaxation, fertilized with heavy doses of vacation time. Without the support and understanding of my loyal NaB followers, I’d have probably already published Dance a few years ago. They’ve reassured me that I am right to take my time and write only when I feel inspired. At home. When there’s no football. Between the hours of noon and six. Monday, Wednesday, and every other Friday.
SK: You seem like a really busy man with the HBO show, miniature sales, editing all those novels, and attending numerous conventions around the globe, how do you find time for rest and relaxation?
GM: You know, it has been really tough. I had to miss the New York Comicon this year, which I was loathe to do. I gave up going this year for my fans. I do that quite a bit, give up opportunities for R&R for my fans. But you have to have priorities. Priorities are the key to being a successful, professional, well respected writer. It’s like I tell Ty when a snarky NaB comment gets through: you’ve got to be diligent, don’t stop until all that needs doing gets done. I absolutely believe in that philosophy and that is how I live my life, each and every day.
SK: Are you worried about the HBO series catching up to you, and if so, do you have a plan when it does?
GM: Not at all. I’ve moved a lot of stuff out of Dance and as of now I am close to half done with Winds of Winter. Once I finish A Dance with Dragons, I should wrap up Winds within six or seven months. But we shouldn’t speak of such things! (Laughs) You’ll jinx the series. I’d hate to see it get cancelled before its time. We all remember Rome and Deadwood.
SK: You stated in a post in the past that you were finished with all the Jon POV’s, but yet you’re still talking about “shoveling more snow” Can you shed a little light on this contradiction for us?
GM: To be honest, I don’t really know anymore. It gets so hard to keep track of all of my blog posts. If I had to guess, I’d say I was rewriting a Jon Snow chapter for perhaps the fourteenth or fifteenth time. Or it could be that I made it all up to keep everyone’s hopes alive so they keep to buying what I’m selling. You might ask Adam or Elio or my good friend Shawn, I’m sure they’d give you a more definite answer.
SK: Can you finally explain the Meereenese Knot, and maybe why it’s taking so long to complete?
GM: Have you got a while?
SK: I do. I have all day in fact.
GM: OK. Here goes: I am trying to get Dany over to Westeros with the dragons fully grown and Dany herself ready to wage war.
SK: That’s it?
GM: Well, yeah. But it’s hard. Dany is not ready to rule, and the dragons aren’t grown up yet. I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make all this happen in a fantasy setting where everything is completely arbitrary and I have already established a precedent for using magic as a plot device. I just can’t. Between you and me, I am starting to second guess my decision to omit the 5 year gap. Maybe I should scrap it and start the whole thing over again…
SK: Speaking of that, how do you feel about the fact that your abandonment of a 5 year gap in your story has created a real life 5 year gap in between publishing dates?
GM: I really don’t see the connection there, but I guess I feel OK about it. As long as the book is the best book that it can be, my real fans assure me that they’ll wait as long as necessary.
SK: OK, last and most important question. When will A Dance with Dragons be finished?
GM: Summer 2008. Oh wait. I mean, well…what month is it now?
SK: It is September. And it’s 2010, for the record.
GM: September? It’s September?! Where in the seven bloody hells did August go?
